Rules

                                                              Rules 



Everyone comes into a marriage with expectations of the way things should  be. Many of the expectations come from their own family of origin. Every family has set a explicit and implicit rules. Explicit rules are things that might be written down or said, such as curfew is 10:00 or you cannot date until you are 16. Implicit rules are unspoken rules such as " when dad is in a bad mood no one talks" or there is a chair that mom always sits in at the dinner table. These rules are never talked about , but everyone know what they are. Two people marry and bring to their marriage their own rules. It is important for a person to understand the " rules" that they  insist on taking with them into their marriage and the reasons why. A person also needs to understand the rules of their spouses family, and why those rules are important to them. These rules can influence how money will be spent, what food you will eat, what kind of vacations you will take and how to discipline children. If couples don't each give each other a chance to explain why they want to do the things they do, there will be a lot of frustrations. There is no reason why a couple needs to follow one families set of rules. They can draw things from both spouses families and create their own rules.

It is  important for parents and in-laws to understand that a couple needs to be able to create their own family with their own rules. Parents and  in- laws need to cut the apron strings and let their children be free to establish their own families. As a mother of  five young kids the thought of doing this terrifies me and  makes me sad. I love my children so much and I can't bear the thought of letting them go and not being a major part of their lives. Right now their worlds revolve around me , but someday their worlds will have to revolve around their spouses and children. It would not be healthy for them or me to continue the mother- child relationship that exists when they are young. I just hope when the time comes for them to leave the nest I am ready to let them fly.