Couple Councils
Couple Councils
Richard
B Miller said that today it is uncommon to have the domineering
husband. Society has evolved in such a way that most married couples
have more equity then they did in the past. Miller also said that when
the power is unbalanced it is often very subtle. A husband may not be
controlling of his wife , but there is often a partner in the marriage
who usually gets there way all the time or " wins" every disagreement.
One partner may manipulate their spouse into seeing things their way.
What is the solution to this subtle unbalance of power? I think the
answer could be weekly couple councils.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day saints the Quorum of 12 Apostles along with the first presidency meets together weekly in councils . Each council begins with every member expressing their love and appreciation for the other members. Then then they discuss the items on their agenda. When discussing an item on the agenda every member of the counsel has a chance to have their opinion heard. While they are speaking no one interrupts them. It isn't until every member has had a chance to speak that they begin to work towards a decision. No decision is made until every member feels good about it. This may mean they might have to go around the table again and let every one speak a second , third of even tenth time, but everyone must feel good about the decision. I imagine that if couples used this same council pattern there would not be subtle power struggles. There would never be one spouse that always get their way at the expense of the partner, and there would be no manipulation. President David of McKay said
There are some commandments which, when broken, destroy unity. Some have to do with what we say and some with how we react to what others say. We must speak no ill of anyone. We must see the good in each other and speak well of each other whenever we can.(1)
Couples should come together and then after expressing their love and appreciation for each other , and perhaps apologizing for any wrongs committed they work on discussing the items on their agenda. This will allow to spirit to be with them as they discuss the needs of their family . I believe many marriages including my own could benefit from this council method. Only when couples show respect for and sincerely listens to each others points of views can their be true unity in a marriage. Could couple councils save marriages? I think the answer is yes for many marriages.
1. Henry B. Eyring, "That We May Be One" Ensign, May 1998, 66.
2. Richard B. Miller, “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.” BYU Conference on Family Life, Brigham Young University, March 28, 2009.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day saints the Quorum of 12 Apostles along with the first presidency meets together weekly in councils . Each council begins with every member expressing their love and appreciation for the other members. Then then they discuss the items on their agenda. When discussing an item on the agenda every member of the counsel has a chance to have their opinion heard. While they are speaking no one interrupts them. It isn't until every member has had a chance to speak that they begin to work towards a decision. No decision is made until every member feels good about it. This may mean they might have to go around the table again and let every one speak a second , third of even tenth time, but everyone must feel good about the decision. I imagine that if couples used this same council pattern there would not be subtle power struggles. There would never be one spouse that always get their way at the expense of the partner, and there would be no manipulation. President David of McKay said
There are some commandments which, when broken, destroy unity. Some have to do with what we say and some with how we react to what others say. We must speak no ill of anyone. We must see the good in each other and speak well of each other whenever we can.(1)
Couples should come together and then after expressing their love and appreciation for each other , and perhaps apologizing for any wrongs committed they work on discussing the items on their agenda. This will allow to spirit to be with them as they discuss the needs of their family . I believe many marriages including my own could benefit from this council method. Only when couples show respect for and sincerely listens to each others points of views can their be true unity in a marriage. Could couple councils save marriages? I think the answer is yes for many marriages.
1. Henry B. Eyring, "That We May Be One" Ensign, May 1998, 66.
2. Richard B. Miller, “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families.” BYU Conference on Family Life, Brigham Young University, March 28, 2009.
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